The Most Underrated Leadership Skill: Knowing How to Show Appreciation
By Ethan Nash
“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
Can you remember the last time you felt genuinely appreciated by a manager?
Not a stale “good work” on the way out the door. Not a public shoutout that felt a little performative. I mean sincere, thoughtful, personal appreciation given by someone who saw your effort and told you, in a real way, that it mattered.
Most of us can recall a moment like that. And most of us can also remember long stretches when that kind of recognition was absent, when we felt invisible, unacknowledged, like our contributions didn’t quite register.
Which is strange. For something so powerful—something we know is one of the strongest drivers of employee engagement—appreciation is wildly underutilized (or at least misunderstood) as a management practice.
So, let’s talk about it. Not as a “nice-to-have,” but as a core leadership skill, a practice of emotional intelligence, and a powerful tool for building trust, loyalty, and motivation.
I. The Research: People Crave Appreciation (Duh)
A study by the WorkHuman Research Institute asked over 3,500 full-time employees what they would most like to change about their workplace culture. The most common answer?
“I wish my manager showed more appreciation.”
A Harvard Business Review study reported that employees whose managers are great at recognition are more than 40% more engaged than those whose managers don’t recognize them well.
Ken Kovach, a pioneering researcher on employee motivation, has asked thousands of employees: “What do you want most at work?” The #1 response is consistently “interesting work,” and the #2 is “appreciation for my efforts.” Interestingly, when Kovach asks managers what they think employees most want, “appreciation” shows up eighth on the list.
I could keep going. Study after study says the same thing: people don’t need grand gestures, but they do need to feel truly seen. They need to know their effort means something to someone.
II. If It's So Important (And Obvious), Why Is It So Rare?
With data like that, you’d think managers would be falling over themselves to give recognition.
So why aren’t they?
In our work at Nash Consulting (and from my own struggles with giving positive feedback), we’ve seen a few common reasons managers fall short on recognition:
1. We think we’re already doing it.
We say “thanks,” nod approvingly in meetings, or toss out a “good job” when something lands. But what feels like plenty to us often doesn’t register for the other person. Generic praise is forgettable. And when appreciation lacks specificity, it rarely has impact.
2. We’re busy.
Managers juggle competing priorities. When everything feels urgent, a moment of appreciation can seem optional. But in reality, it’s exactly in the chaos that people most need to feel anchored, seen, and valued.
3. We don’t know how to do it well.
We worry about sounding insincere, saying the wrong thing, or creating a sense of entitlement. So we either offer hollow compliments or say nothing at all.
4. We’ve been conditioned to critique.
Many managers were taught to “sandwich” feedback (praise, critique, praise) or to downplay positive feedback in service to constant improvement. (“Good job, but here’s what you missed.”) The result? Appreciation that feels transactional, or worse, manipulative.
***
I get it. I’ve been there.
Years ago, I managed a team of healthcare recruiters. I prided myself on being a supportive manager. So when I got feedback that I didn’t give enough positive recognition, I was confused—and, honestly, defensive.
I was giving feedback. I said “great work” all the time.
But when I asked one of my team members what specific feedback they remembered, they drew a blank.
And I realized: I couldn’t remember any specifics either.
That was a turning point. I saw that what I thought was appreciation was actually filler: vague, automatic affirmations that didn’t mean much. They didn’t land.
III. Recognition That Lands (And Motivates)
If we want recognition to stick—to actually be remembered and felt—we have to offer the right kind of praise, in the right moment, with the right intent.
Through both research and practice, we at Nash Consulting have identified several categories of recognition. Not all are created equal, but each has its place:
Merit-Based Recognition – Focused on something a person accomplished or delivered. Example: “You really knocked this project out of the park.” When done with skill, it’s a powerful motivator.
Character-Based Recognition – Centered on who someone is, the qualities they bring. Example: “You consistently bring a positive attitude.” This affirms their identity and values.
JFB (“Just for Breathing”) Recognition – Simple appreciation for someone’s presence. Example: “I’m glad you’re here.” While it shouldn’t be your only form of praise, it’s great for good old-fashioned “bank account” building: keeping relationships stocked with positive deposits.
Programmed Merit – Formal rewards like productivity bonuses or employee-of-the-month awards. These can work, but they require care to avoid unintended negative outcomes like hollow recognition or unhealthy competition.
All four have their place. But one of the most powerful (and often underused) forms is Merit-Based Recognition that follows a Behavior–Impact approach. This is where appreciation becomes more than a pat on the back. It becomes motivational. Personal. Trust-building.
The concept is simple:
Here is the positive thing you did or outcome you achieved (the behavior). Here is why it matters (the impact).
Example: “Thanks for staying late the troubleshoot the system. That kept the team from missing a key deadline.”
Now, let’s build on this to make it even more sticky.
IV. Three Simple Frameworks for Making Praise Sticky
We use a trio of simple tools to make the Behavior-Impact approach powerful:
BIP = Behavior + Impact + Praise (about a trait or strength)
BIL = Behavior + Impact + Learning Prompt
BIG = Behavior + Impact + Growth Cue
BIP
What: This names exactly what someone did (behavior), why it mattered (impact), and ties it to a positive trait or strength (praise).
How: “Jalen, the way you stayed calm and organized during that last-minute schedule change helped the rest of the team stay focused and avoid mistakes. I’ve noticed that level-headedness is one of your real strengths.”
Why: It’s specific, it connects behavior to impact, and it affirms something about them they can take pride in.
BIL
What: Names the behavior and impact, then invites reflection.
How: “Priya, the questions you asked in that client meeting helped us catch a big gap in the proposal. That saved us a lot of work down the road. I’m curious—what led you to notice those things and ask those questions?”
Why: It’s recognition plus insight. It helps them surface the steps, whether intentional or instinctive, that led to success, giving them confidence they can repeat the process. It often brings hidden thinking patterns to the surface.
BIG
What: Connects the behavior and impact to their future growth.
How: “Luis, the way you handled the budget review was clear, confident, and thorough. That’s exactly the kind of skill that will serve you well as you take on more leadership responsibilities. Have you ever thought about facilitating some of our budget review training?”
Why: It’s recognition that doubles as encouragement. It says, I see you now, and I see where you’re going.
***
These moments are short and simple, but they’re specific, grounded in observation, and deeply connected to impact. They make people feel proud, seen, and motivated.
V. This Isn't Just a Management Skill: It's a Human Skill
Even though we’re talking about managers and teams, this skill matters everywhere: at home, in friendships, in peer relationships.
The other day, my wife and I were dealing with a broken fridge. We were frustrated. I was doing what I could: calling the repair guy, moving food to a cooler, trying to stay level-headed.
At one point, she turned to me and said, “I really appreciate how you’re just jumping in and taking care of things without complaining. It’s helping me stay calm.”
Did that comment influence me to do more? Maybe.
But more than anything, it made me feel seen. And it made me want to keep showing up that way—for her and for us.
That’s the power of thoughtful appreciation. It reinforces the good. It motivates. It creates connection.
VI. A Simple Place To Start
If you take nothing else from this article, take this:
The easiest and most effective way to meet an employee’s need to feel appreciated is to
open your mouth for ten seconds to say something like:
“Annika, thank you for stepping up to handle that project. You took initiative, and your follow-through helped the whole team stay on track. I noticed that, and I really appreciate it.”
That’s it. No speech. No formal review. Just human words, from one person to another.
So here are two questions to leave you with:
What might you do more of—or less of—in how you appreciate others?
What do you appreciate about each of your employees and your team as a whole—and will you tell them?
Appreciation doesn’t cost anything but a little time and thought. But its impact is immeasurable.
We always like to hear from our readers. Feel free to email us at contact@nashconsulting.com if you have any questions or topics you'd like us to cover.
Our Podcasts You Might Not Hate: