Navigating the Tricky Terrain of Manager-Employee Friendships

It’s a legit—and common—question: Is it okay to be friends with your employees? Like, genuinely hang out outside of work and work-related events?

We get it. It’s a weird and often awkward situation. Plenty of management experts will give you a hard “no”—claiming it’s best to keep clear lines between professional and personal relationships when you're in a position of authority.

But here’s the thing: real life is rarely that tidy. Relationships evolve. Sometimes you get promoted and suddenly find yourself managing people who were your happy hour crew just last week. What then? Are you supposed to say, “Hey, thanks for coming to my wedding, but now that I’m your boss, we can’t be friends anymore”? (Check out our blog post on going from peer to manager.)

At Nash Consulting, we take a more nuanced approach. We’re not in the business of telling people to suppress authentic connection. Friendships are a natural result of working closely with others.

That said, managing a friend is not for the faint of heart. And to be blunt—if you can’t walk the line, you probably shouldn’t try. Because few things tank morale faster than real or perceived favoritism.

And don’t forget: there’s a power differential at play. No matter how casual or mutual the friendship feels, as the manager, you hold more influence, authority, and control over decisions that impact your friend’s job and livelihood. That imbalance is always in the room—even if you’re both pretending it’s not.

If you do choose to stay friends with someone you supervise, you’ll need to tread carefully. Here are some essential guardrails to help you do just that:

1. Have the Conversation
Yes, that conversation. The one that feels a little awkward but will save you (and your team) a lot of confusion and drama later.

• Acknowledge the shift. Say something like, “Hey, I know this is a little weird. We’ve been friends for a while, but I’m your manager. Let’s talk about what that means and how we’re going to handle it.”

• Set some ground rules. For instance, agree that work talk stays at work and social talk stays out of the office. No chats about projects during Sunday brunch, and definitely no water cooler recaps of your beach weekend. The goal is to keep the friendship from bleeding into your leadership role.

• Address the elephant(s). Let them know upfront: “Part of my job is to give feedback and manage performance. That includes you.” When expectations are clear from the start, it makes those potentially awkward moments less, well, awkward.

• Invite accountability. Tell your friend: “If I ever cross a line or make things weird, I need you to say something.” Mutual honesty is your best defense against a perception problem.

2. Watch for the Favoritism Trap
Whether it’s real or perceived, favoritism can wreck trust faster than a broken coffee machine on a Monday morning.

• Time is a commodity. If your friend is hanging out in your office more than others, grabbing lunch with you every week, or regularly referencing inside jokes from the backyard BBQ, it’s going to raise eyebrows. Even if it’s innocent, it doesn’t look that way.

• Feedback should be consistent. Don’t go soft on your friend because it’s uncomfortable. They need to get the same kind of coaching, correction, and praise that everyone else does.

• Check your biases. If you have a brain, you have bias. That means you're naturally drawn to people who think like you, work like you, or, in this case, laugh at your jokes at weekend get-togethers. When you're the one handing out assignments, promotions, or development opportunities, it's easy to unintentionally favor your friend—because they’re nearby, familiar, or easy to trust. But others are watching, and if it looks like your buddy is getting all the good stuff, they’re not going to assume it’s based on merit. Do a gut check: Why am I picking this person for this opportunity? Is it truly performance-based? Am I overlooking someone else who’s just as qualified—or more so? When in doubt, bounce it off your supervisor or another neutral voice to make sure you’re staying fair.

3. Separate Work and Social Time
One of the best ways to preserve both the friendship and your leadership integrity? Keep those worlds as distinct as possible.

• Create social boundaries. Decide ahead of time: “When we’re hanging out outside of work, we’re not talking about work.” If work topics creep in, redirect with something like, “Let’s save that for our one-on-one. Pass the guac.”

• Be smart about your off-hours behavior. Just because you’re off the clock doesn’t mean your leadership hat is completely off. Your friend still sees you as “the boss,” even when you’re three drinks in at trivia night. Know your limits. Respect confidentiality. And maybe consider a self-imposed curfew if you're someone who gets a little too chatty after 9 p.m.

Bottom Line
Being friends with your employees isn’t inherently a problem. But it’s not a free-for-all either. These relationships can absolutely work—but only if they’re managed with a high degree of self-awareness, consistent communication, and a commitment to fairness.

Handled well, these friendships can add depth, connection, and humanity to your workplace. Handled poorly, they can create confusion, resentment, and a team-wide trust problem.

So choose wisely—and if you choose to keep the friendship, lead wisely.

For more on how to navigate these waters, check out this podcast episode. We dig into the nuance, the messiness, and the surprisingly helpful strategies that can make this work.

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