TRIANGULATING

 WITHIN AN ORGANIZATION

Trust and respect, both of which must be continually strengthened in order for an organization to be healthy and effective, are directly attacked when staff engage in “triangulating” among themselves. 

“Triangulating,” simply put, refers to the communication of negative thoughts or feelings about someone to someone else. When this normal human tendency is allowed to go on habitually and unchecked in an organization, the results are mistrust between people, paranoid-like behaviors, anger outbursts, hurt feelings, high staff turnover, an extremely high number of misunderstandings and misinterpretations among people, inefficiency, ineffectiveness, and more.

      What is Triangulation?

Ann has a problem with Jill. This problem might be hurt feelings, annoyance or frustration over something Jill said or did (or didn’t do); it might be anger toward Jill; it might be a negative opinion of Jill or Jill's work habits, personality, or communication style. Now, try to imagine this “problem” as actual physical energy that needs to go somewhere. Where does it go? Unfortunately it often goes to a coworker (whom we'll call Keith), often in the guise of “needing someone to vent to” or “trying to get an objective person’s view point.”

Results of Triangulating Within an Organization

Ø      Keith is in danger of having his own opinions of Jill negatively and unfairly influenced.

Ø      Keith may now wonder, “what is Ann saying about me behind my back?”  Trust is damaged.

Ø      Keith might not keep silent, but may share some version (however skewed) of the “problem” with Dan, who may share it with Sue, who may talk about it with Jeff and Lisa.  And an atmosphere of negativity develops.

Ø      Keith may try to help by going to Jill, which usually results in hurt feelings and mistrust all around.

Ø      Inevitably, Jill finds out that people are talking about her and may even hear some convoluted version of what was actually said, which can be devastating and only serves to alienate Jill from those she should be able to trust.

The result?

Trust and respect between people plummets!

The Alternatives to Triangulating

There are four healthy ways for Ann to avoid the destructiveness that can come from triangulating.

1.      "Get over it":   Ann can (and should) first consider whether or not the “problem” is an issue needing to be discussed with anyone at all.  Is it something she should think through on her own, without involving others? (Of course, it is not always healthy to keep hurt or angry feelings to oneself – see next options.)

2.      Go to the person you’re upset with:  Ann can bring her feelings or concerns directly to Jill.  Healthy organizations will train their employees in the healthy and appropriate ways to give and receive feedback so that this can be done with grace, openness, and effectiveness.  

3.      Go outside the organization:  Ann can talk about her feelings and concerns with someone who is not inside the organization.  This could be Ann's spouse, a good friend, a mentor or pastor, whoever - as long as this person does not work in the same organization  as Jill.   

 4.      Go “upstairs:”  Ann can talk to her own direct boss about the problem.  It is
       that  boss’s job to handle the information in a professional manner, making a
       decision as to how to best be helpful in the situation.